Key Facts

Round: 38 of 38
Referee: TBC

• Average Reds: TBD
• Average Yellows: TBD

Location: Filbert Way, King Power Stadium
Time: 1600BST/UTC+1, 19/07/20
Channels (UK): Sky Sports Main Event
(Out / Unlikely / Suspended )
Leicester:

1. Soyuncu
2. Ricardo
3. Amarety
4. Maddison
5. Chilwell
6. Fuchs
7. Albrighton

Man United:

1. Bailey
2. Tuanzebe
3. Jones
4. Shaw

Betting Odds

Accurate as of 0921BST 26/07/20 (Decimal, lower is more likely):
Leicester Win: 3.30
Draw: 3.50
Man United Win: 2.15

Fun Facts

• Leicester has lost only thrice at home and been unbeaten at home since the Southampton visited us. The other losses at home were to Man City and Liverpool. (P18 W11 D4 L3)
• In the previous twenty meetings between the sides, the Foxes have failed to keep a clean sheet yet in the Foxes last four league matches at home have all been clean sheets. The last time we failed to keep one at home was the defeat to Man City in February.
• Man United have consistently won when winning in the first half since late 2014. The last time they lost after getting the first goal was against us in the home fixture that resulted in 5-3 including Vardy's first goal in the PL. Coincidentally, this was the last time the Foxes beat the Devils in the PL
• In ten appearances against the Devils, Vardy has score 5 times and assist 4 times
• United's unbeaten record was broken in the FA Cup when Chelsea beat them 3-1 at Wembley for the FA Cup final yet remains to be undone in the Premier League.

Good morning lads and lassies of soccer. To celebrate that the Bundesliga finally comes back I bring you the transcripton/translation of a pretty interesting video I had watched some time ago, related (and literally titled) "Which La Liga team fits each team of the Premier League?"
Now, I know the issue about fans that have simpathy for "second" teams is polarizing and as we all know after last year, it can become something completely vomitive, but this video is indeed trying to give fans of Spanish clubs reasons to like a particular English club, and with that said, tbh I believe at the end of the day most fans, plastic or not, do feel at least some simpathy for some clubs above others excluding their own. From the small town fan who supports their local club but also the "big" team that challenges for the league in the top division, to the Ultra that hates every club of their country that isn't his but do likes a foreign club of which he befriended their respective Ultras in the past, I'm pretty sure that most football fans do feel at least a bit of simpathy for some particular club of a foreign league.
But well, that discussion shouldn't be the topic of this. The fact is that these Spaniards of the video do like particular English clubs and to guide other similar Spaniards analyzed the situation and created this "guidebook" about which Premier League club "currently" fits each La Liga club, and that is what will be shown here.
With a last emphasis in the "currently", there's nothing else to say as preview. Just remember that these aren't my opinions and I'm only sharing what they decided.

Newcastle United & Athletic Club

• Both are clubs that come from the northern parts of their countries. The Basque Country literally faces the English Channel, while Newcastle is in North-East England, facing both Scotland and the Northern Sea.
• Both have pretty big stadiums with almost the same capacity (52k and 53k respectively) that also coincidentally are in the center of their respectives cities, something that is laudable in these modern times where stadiums are being designed to be in the outskirts, and not few clubs are forced to traslate them from their original places because of the economical advantages.
• And another thing that united them is that they are one of the few historical rich clubs that doesn't have a derby rival in their city. So, if you're born in Bilbao you better fucking support Athletic and there is no room for debate about it, and something similar happens in Newcastle. And in the same way, the derby that the clubs have actually have (Sunderland and Real Sociedad) goes beyond football and is a derby between the whole cities.
• They faced each other in the 94/95 UEFA Cup Round of 16 and what highlights it was that it was an epic clash that ended in a global 3-3 draw where Athletic won thanks to away goals, and that in the second leg had a pitch invasion from Basque fans that after celebrating with their team, went to laud the away stand, as the English visitors had been great and even cheered for Athletic after the end of the match, thing that a lot of old fans from both clubs would remember forever.
• That match would be so iconic for some that Rob Lee, one of the best Newcastle players of the last decades, would require his farewell match for the Geordie team to be... against Athletic. And such wish was granted.

Crystal Palace & Getafe

• Both are clubs from the south of the metropolitan areas of the capital of their countries. Selhurst for London and Getafe for Madrid respectively.
• Both are managed by tacticians with a similar ethos: Bordalás and Hodgson. The parallels of both teams are easily spotted when you watch both teams: strong rigid defenders, fast strikers, sitting back and counterattacks, the whole 4-4-fucking-2 package, et al.
• Vicente Guaita played for both teams, and in fact was directly tranferred from Madrid to London.
• Both have blue as their main colour,

Liverpool & Real Madrid

• Both are the European royalty of their respective leagues. Real Madrid is just the most successful in history and nobody comes close, while Liverpool has the double of Champions Leagues than the second most succesful English team and only Milan between them and Real.
• Both stand out for their mentality and comebacks. Istanbul and Lisbon, for example, are among the most dramatic Champions League finals in the whole history. One team comeback from a 3-0 in the first half, the other tied and later won a match that they were losing until the 90'+3.
• Xabi Alonso, Steve McManaman, Alvaro Arbeloa, Dudek, Antonio Núñez, Rafa Benitez, Michael Owen, Fernando Morientes and the greatest of all, Nuri Sahin, served in both clubs.
• Both stand out for being the best teams of the 20th century in their countries by far, which nevertheless suffered many years of drought after the golden years until they eventually achieved an epic again, being Mijatovic's goal and the penalty saved by Dudek, the final actions that crowned them for the first time in decades as European champions for the seventh and fifth time, respectively.

Norwich & Valladolid

• Both won the league cup of their countries in the same years (84/85).
• Both highlight for the atypical colour of their kits (violet and yellow/green).
• Both are the biggest teams of relatively isolated counties.
• Mohammed Salisu plays for Valladolid and has been linked to Norwich.

Bournemouth & Eibar

• The two smallest stadiums of each league. Dean Court has a capacity of barely above 11,000 in a league where the average is above 40k, while the Municipal de Ipurua has only... 8164 seats.
• Likewise, both are clubs from pretty small cities that almost nobody would know if it wasn't for their football teams. Lets just say that Eibar isn't exactly in the same tier of the other Basque cities like Bilbao, San Sebastian or Pamplona, while Bournemouth only has 190k inhabitants and was founded as recently as the 19th century, something strange for English standards.
• And finally and ringing the same bells, they are two small teams that were promoted to the top tier for the first time ever in recent years (2014-15) to the first division, and that also coincidentally, have never descended from that time despite their (lack) of historical status.

Burnley & Alaves

• Both are extremely physical and defensive teams that also highlight for their lack of possesion (the lowest and second lowest of their leagues respectively).
• Turf Moor and the Estadio de Mendizorroza have almost exactly the same capacity (20k).
• John Guidetti played for both.

Sheffield United & Mallorca

• Both are clubs with over a century of history, however, both are currently united by their quick promotions of recent years. Few clubs do it each season, but those who climb two divisions practically in-a-row, even less.
• The English club was in the third tier of the English pyramid from 2013 to 2017, after which they won the promotion to the Championship after becoming champions with 100 points. After that, they finished 10th in their first season there, just to assure the promotion in dramatic tones after Leeds implosion in the late stages of the 18/19 season.
• Meanwhile the island club was even more epic in their promotions. After failing to Segunda B (the third tier of Spanish football) for the first time in 40 years, they fired everybody but 4 players, but still were able to win their local group of the division and later compete in the final play-offs that gave the promotion spots, and in that they first assured a promotion spot and later become champions of the division. And then? they arrived to the Second Division with the hopes of not being relegated, but overperformed and in an epic way assured the last position that gave a spot to the play-off for the final promotion spot, and despite losing 2-0 in the first leg of the final, the won 3-0 the second leg and completed their return from the Third Division to La Liga in the fastest possible way.
• Finally but not less important, both have red in their kits.

Brighton & Levante

• Both are small clubs from coastal towns.
• Both won the promotion from the second division in 16/17.
• Brighton logo shows a seagull and they're known as such.
• Levante's coast has a record for having the biggest number of a certain breed of seagulls in the whole world.

Leicester & Villarreal

• Both are clubs that are relatively small when it comes to historical status... and for the same reason both were part of some of the best underdogs stories of the world in recent decades.
• Villarreal, the Yellow Submarine, comes from a small Valencian city of around 50k, and despite having a history of almost a century, they never reached the top division until 1998, just to be relegated in the same year. But they didn't gave up and came back to La Liga as quickly, and this time they stayed, and in what a way! Pellegrini's Villarreal spearheaded by Román Riquelme and Diego Forlán surprised Europa by ending third in La Liga just behind the Galacticos and Ronaldinho's Barca and won the right to play the 2005/06 Champions League, in what would end being their greatest moment in history so far by eventually reaching semifinals and barely losing the chance of playing the final in their first season thanks to some cursed penalties against the Arsene Wenger club. Even in defeat, the history that they made was epic as few others.
• But one that actually was it even more was what Leicester did exactly 10 years later in the Premiership. From barely avoiding being relegated to win the whole league was a FIFA Career-esque story, and for the same it will be remembered forever.
• And finally, what made even more iconic both legendary performances was the charisma of some of their players. Vardy, Forlán, Riquelme more precisely.

Southampton & Leganés

• Southampton are called the Saints and their stadium is named St Mary's.
• Leganes' stadium is called after a religious figure (Virgen de Butarque).
• Guido Carrillo and Mauricio Pellegrino served in both clubs.

Watford & Granada

• The Pozzo family: originally known from being the owners of Udinese in the Serie A, eventually the Italian family diversified their investments, first buying the small Spanish team in 2009, and later the English one in 2012. Because of financial reasons they sold their participation in Granada in the late 2016, aye, however, there was a timelapse that lasted years were both clubs where effectively in the same hands.
• And for the same reasons, a number of players have been "property" of both clubs. Isaac Success and Adalberto Peñaranda the most iconic of them.

Chelsea & Atletico Madrid

• Both are pretty big clubs in the capital but that have lived in the shadow of their historically bigger neighbour for more time than not, a certain Arsenal and Real Madrid respectively.
• An impressive number of illustrious names have passed through both teams, and not few times from one to the other and even in some times back again: Fernando Torres, Diego Costa, Filipe Luis, Thibaut Courtois, Mateja Keman, Tiago Mendes, Maniche, Radamel Falcao, Jesper Grönkjaer, Hasselbaink, Morata, and more.
• Both suffered for tragic defeats in the Champions League final, Chelsea in 2008, Atleti in 2014 (and 2016). One team had their captain slip and missed the crucial penalty, the other ended losing a final that was winning until the 90'+3. Coincidentally, all those finals were between teams from the same country.

Tottenham & Sevilla

• Both have white jerseys.
• Both were managed in recent years by Juande Ramos.
• Both are famous because of their fierce rivalry with a neighbour, that makes them part of one of the most iconic derbies in their country.
• Both are clubs that have a long history and that in recent years have had a pretty great period, but still weren't able to truly displace or replace the historically bigger clubs from their place.
• Diego Armando Maradona.

Manchester United & Valencia

• Both are of the biggest clubs with the biggest fanbases of their country, and both are currently underperforming when you see their historical status, which enrages such fans.
• Both have some of the worse owners that a big club that want sportive instead of just financial success could have, and that are one of the main causes of their decline in recent years: the Glazers and Peter Lim.
• And fanbases of both clubs also hate the right-hand of their owners that is the most direct responsible of the sportive issues of their clubs: Anil Murthy and Ed Woodward.
• Peter Lim is also a big Man United fan and the owner of restaurants and pubs with Mancunian thematics in his Asian domains... and is also a partial owner of the Class of 92's creation, Salford City.
• Gary Neville and Juan Mata are some names that both clubs share.
• And finally but also most important: Valencia played against Valencia in Valencia.

Everton & Real Sociedad

• Both are proud clubs with an illustrious history despite being the smaller club compared to their more famous neightbours, and also are clubs that these days suffer more time than not.
• Both had their peak in the 80's, with Everton two leagues and one cup, exactly the same numbers than la Real. That decade would also be the last one when they had any major success, with Sociedad only being able to say that they ended second in the 02-03 La Liga and the Toffees with that they won a FA Cup in 95'.
• David Moyes.

Manchester City & Barcelona

• Pep Guardiola, of course.
• Also of the first stages of the changes after the arrival of the Sheikh was the creation of a sports city for young players, imitating la Masia, probably the second most famous thing of the Spanish club.
• And another was the bet for a female team, in what now both are powers, unlike their historical rivals that are shamefully far behind them on it despite their historical status.
• Also beyond Pep there are other people that both clubs share: Ferran Soriano and Txiki Begiristain, financial director and sports director respectively of both teams in the past and now.
• Claudio Bravo played for both, although with different kind of performances.
• And finally, not a few Barcelona fans today complain that the closest thing to the Barca that touched the sky today is Manchester City.

West Ham & Espanyol

• Both are clubs of a big city where there are bigger teams. West Ham is arguably the 4th biggest London club these days after Arsenal, Chelsea and Tottenham, while Espanyol are the second biggest but loyalist club of Barcelona, where there is a certain secessionist bigger Catalan club.
• Both are clubs that have been almost all their history in the top division and yet have never won it. Likewise, both had their peaks and almost did it in the 80s, where both ended 3rd, in almost the same year (86' and 87').
• Both were clubs that had an old stadium as traditional as loved (Estadi de Sarrià and the Upton Park) that were eventually replaced by stadiums built by the city for the Olympics (Espanyol eventually left his one though).
• Both have never being relegated to the third division of their countries despite being some of the oldest clubs around.
• Both had their bittersweet European moments, sweeter definitely for West Ham though.

Wolves & Real Betis

• Both are the club with most Mexicans of their league, Raul Jimenez vs Diego Lainez plus Andres Guardado respectively, what makes their teams far more popular than what they should in the CONCACAF giant.
• Joey Guðjónsson and Alfred N'Diaye played for both clubs.
• Six Portuguese have played for Betis in this century. Six Portuguese play for Wolves this season.
• They played a friendly last year.

Aston Villa & Celta de Vigo

• Both are related to the sky-blue colour.
• Both clubs are characterized for having a player that is almost a demigod for the fans and club overall: Jack Grealish and Iago Aspas.
• Those demigods are local players who have been fans of their club since they were children, and love them so much that played for them even in the second division.
• Both teams currently have their great derby rivals in the second division (Birmingham and Deportivo La Coruña). -They played in the late 90s in the UEFA Cup.

Arsenal & Osasuna

• Both are related to the colour red.
• Both are known for having local fans closer to the left-wing of politics.
• Nacho Monreal, Carlos Vela and Fran Merida played for both teams.
• Both won their league in 1953.

*and that's it. Hope that you liked it as I did. Do you have any opinions about how to make this even more accurate? feel free to share them.

The year is 2017. Top scientists have finally cracked the ability to stop ageing, and the world rejoices. The discovery prompts an immediate FIFA investigation into exactly what this means for world football from now on. How will the careers come and go when every team can just preserve their best stars? How will the next Messi break through? The Qatar FA suggest restricting it to only Qatari players, a motion that's only narrowly defeated. In unrelated news, a bunch of mysterious Qatari bank accounts are seized the day before the vote. Eventually, a compromise is decided upon between. Only those players who’ve proven themselves to be in it for the sport, and their team, can use it. The players who have stuck with their team through thick and thin, who’ve turned down bigger money offers to stay where they are. One-Club Men. However, should their loyalty ever waiver, and they choose to leave, those players will lose their right to an everlasting career, and have to face the advance years once again. Who will remain loyal the longest? Who will ride out the lowest of lows to stay at their lifelong club?
Unfortunately for those of you hoping I’ve found a secret miracle, that’s just the best nonsense I could come up with to frame this scenario. In less dramatic terms, using FM 2017, I'm going to select 50 one-club men from the top 5 leagues and de-age them to around 22. Every 5 years I'll de-age them down to 22 again, unless they abandon their loyalty. I'll also be adjusting everyone's contract to expire in 2020 to make it equal, and undoing international retirements where necessary. Nothing overly complicated, but I’m expecting this one to run a long long time if I’m going to have everyone leave, so I’m good with it not being too complicated.
^{Reddit side note! It's me again. Some may remember my experiments from ages ago. I'm back and writing again, but as you can probably tell, with a new name and website. If you want to see this post with much better formatting, all the images, and everyone's profile at the end, go here to read it in full: link You can stay here if you prefer though!}
So who actually qualifies for this? I've restricted it to players from the Top 5 leagues of England, Italy, Spain, Germany and France, and only included those that have been at their clubs the longest. As well as the genuine candidates like Messi and Totti, loaned out players like Lahm qualify, as do those like Iniesta who haven't left in FM 2017, and even those that have left in-game, but are known for their careers at one club. Buffon is a good example of the latter. I've included a link to an image with all 5 players here: link
With all this loyalty around, I wanted to mix it up a bit by adding in one final player. Someone completely opposite to everyone picked so far, the anti-one-club man, the journeyman of all journeymen. And after some research, I came up with the perfect candidate. Sebastián Abreu, a man who in his career has played at an impressive 29 different teams in 11 different countries, setting a Guinness world record along the way. Abreu will receive the same treatment as the loyal players, except it won’t stop when he moves team. I want him to move around more, spread his wings, see how many teams he can collect over an illustrious career.
That’s enough explaining for now. Should be pretty clear what’s going on, just a bunch of footballers never getting old. Time to get things rolling and see who eliminates themselves. Who can stick it out the longest, who will become THE one-club man?

2016/17

With our younger one club men unleashed on the world, many of them attract instant attention from new clubs. For a while it stays quiet and looks like the first transfer window may pass without incident. Only a few loans crop up... until Javi López because the first man to fall. With Espanyol not meeting his standards, he makes a £2.4M trip down the coast to join Valencia. He proves to be the only summer casualty by the time the window slams shut.
January brings the winter window, and the Premier League clubs start to sniff around, ready to throw bags of cash at unsuspecting players. It doesn’t take long before the next two players are reeled in by money and lose their eternal youth. First Marcel Schmelzer in a £20.5M move to Liverpool, followed by Bruno joining moneybags Man City. By the end of the window, Nacho also heads to the north of England, joining rivals Man United. I’m not sure if any of them have realised how damn cold it is up there. That window swiftly ends, settling the bottom 4 finishers in the competition.
Returning to the world of actual football results briefly, and there aren’t many shocks to be seen. Man City finish 6th, Everton get relegated and Borussia Mönchengladbach reach the Champions League Semi-Finals. A few players see their team relegated, as Werder Bremen, Caen and Freiburg go down, so there could be a few casualties once that disappointment has set in. But all in all, the footballing world has coped just fine.
Loyal Players Remaining: 46
Abreu Club Count: 23 clubs in 10 countries
Odd Winners: None

2017/18

With everyone’s transfer budgets warmed up, it doesn’t take long for the action to get back underway. The previous season has barely finished before Chris Solly trades in his morals for a Premier League move to Norwich. Sergio Álvarez joins him in England, making the slightly odd move to Bournemouth before a big £52M move sees Koke trade loyalty for a big move to Man City. That’s the most surprising move so far, as I expected many of the players at top clubs to stick around. The final two transfers of the window take us to sunny Spain, where both Xabi Prieto and Mario become massive glory hunters, trading in their life long clubs for Atletico Madrid and Barcelona respectively. Javi López, having left Espanyol to join Valencia last year, immediately realises his mistake and rejoins Espanyol. It’s too little too late though, his status as a one-club man is already ruined.
The winter window comes and goes without even a hint of action, so things may already be starting to quieten down. Over in Brazil, Sebastián Abreu has his contract with Bangu come to an end after a good season but fails to attract any new suitors before the European season ends.
Around the world, things keep ticking on relatively normally. Watford take a surprising FA Cup win despite finishing rock bottom of the league, meaning they’ll have European nights alongside their Championship campaign. The loyalty of Seube, Höfler and Bargfrede is rewarded, as Caen, Bremen and Freiburg are immediately promoted back to the top tier. Las Palmas head in the opposite direction, which causes David García to hand in an immediate transfer request. The Spaniard could very well be the next player to go.
Loyal Players Remaining: 41
Abreu Club Count: 23 clubs in 10 countries
Odd Winners: Watford (FA Cup)

2018/19

My suggestion that things may be quietening down is immediately disproved by the biggest move so far. Bayern Munich legend Philipp Lahm makes a huge £82M transfer to Manchester City, throwing away all he’d built up at Bayern so far. But it doesn't end there, as 2 more huge transfers are finalised right after. First Claudio Marchisio drops Juventus, clearly not happy with them losing the title to AC Milan, and moves to Real Madrid. Then Daniele De Rossi trades in Roma for Barcelona. Whilst both have moved in real life, I didn’t expect either to fall so early in this, being icons at such huge clubs. A little later, David García makes his predicted move away from relegated Las Palmas, opting to stay in Spain with Osasuna. And then on the final day of the window, one last move. David Zurutuza decides the Premier League is more to his taste and joins Noble at West Ham. Javi López continues his tour of Spain, realising rejoining Espanyol doesn’t earn him back everlasting youth, and so heads to Sevilla instead. Currently, he’s moved around more than the specific journeyman player I chose to actually move around. Talking of, Abreu does find a new contract, heading back to Uruguay to join River Plate Montevideo.
The winter transfer window is again mostly quiet, with very little potential action. There are still some transfers though, as Robin Knoche becomes the 15th person out, heading to Borussia Dortmund. Then a legend moves on, as Iker Casillas decides that barely getting any game time behind Keylor Navas isn’t worth it, and so joins Monaco for a mere £11M. I guess you can't escape the real world after all.
The summer of 2018 means a World Cup, a tournament which regularly creates bizarre results in Football Manager. This year is no exception, as the likes of Italy, Belgium and Argentina fall in the group stages, before South Korea beat both Germany and France in the knockouts. The final between Brazil and Croatia proves 100% less heartbreaking than the real 2018 final for the Croatians, as they become champions of the world. In domestic football, Man United take all the English trophies on offer in a Quadruple, whilst Freiburg find themselves relegated yet again, as do Montpellier.
Loyal Players Remaining: 34
Abreu Club Count: 24 clubs in 10 countries
Odd Winners: Croatia (World Cup)

2019/20

Another season, another transfer window, another set of swirling rumours around our one-club men. Borussia Dortmund manage to steal away another of our competitors from a German rival, taking Timo Horn early in the window. Having been relegated yet again last season, Nicolas Höfler decides enough is enough and leaves Freiburg for Hertha Berlin. Over in Italy, and Chievo Legend Sergio Pellissier finally caves, leaving his relegation-threatened lifelong team for European battlers Fiorentina. But that's all the entertainment I can offer, no big signings this time around I’m afraid. Let's go see what Javi López is up to instead. His merry-go-round of clubs continues yet again, moving over to Deportivo de La Coruña in the latest of his ever-decreasing value of transfers.
January retains its typical bleak and dull atmosphere, with no sign of action whatsoever until the final day of the window. Hugo Mallo decides to try and add to his trophy cabinet and heads to Man United. Not the worst career move to throw away eternal life for considering their dominance right now. And with his departure, the total number of players that we've lost hits a nice round 20.
In the Premier League, Man United claim their 4th title in a row, exerting total dominance over everyone. But where one dominance rises, another falls, with Dortmund claiming the Bundesliga to knock Bayern off their perch. The shock of the season comes in the Coupe de France, where 3rd tier LB Châteauroux knock out Lyon, Auxerre and PSG before falling to Caen in the semi-finals. With Monaco having fallen to 4th tier SA Spinalien, Caen beat an easier opposition of RC Lens in the final, leading to Seube lifting the teams first-ever Coupe de France. Not bad for a player I expected to never lift a trophy. On a less joyous note, Höfler having left relegated Freiburg, sees his new team Hertha relegated immediately too. It seems there is no escaping the 2. Bundesliga!
On the record front, Gianluigi Buffon sets a huge benchmark, breaking the 200 cap mark for Italy. With no-one else close to him, he’ll stay the leader for a long time. Messi also breaks a boundary, climbing through 400 league goals during his career at Barcelona. Like Buffon, he’s way clear of any competitor, and unless a miracle happens that sees him abandon Barcelona, I can’t see anyone catching him soon.
Loyal Players Remaining: 30
Abreu Club Count: 24 clubs in 10 countries
Odd Winners: Caen (Coupe de France)

2020/21

2020 arrives, and with it, two important points arrive too. Firstly, everyone gets de-aged for the first time in this experiment. The 20 that have left get to watch from a distance thinking about what could have been. Second, the initial contracts are set to expire, so anyone that hasn’t re-signed will out the door. Which is exactly what happens to Víctor Valdés. Having barely appeared for Barcelona since his return, he leaves the club on a free and heads to the southern French coast to join Marseille. A day later and someone else leaves France, as Romain Danzé who decides one de-ageing is enough and moves to Schalke. Tony Hibbert also struggled for games at Everton despite his new youthful look, and so he walks out the door. He opts for Aston Villa, who to my great surprise have sunk to a mid-table League 1 team. Feeling left out, Spain joins in, with Oier Sanjurjo departing Osasuna and moving to Villarreal. The window is then capped by a bizarre final free transfer. Despite appearing regularly, Xavi isn’t offered a new contract by Barcelona. Man City can’t quite believe their luck and snap up the Spanish wizard a few days before the window shuts.
Winter brings with it just one transfer in its usual action-heavy way. Roberto Torres leaves Osasuna, making a £35.5M switch to Atletico. I’m not sure whether Atletico thought they were getting a different de-aged Torres because that can only be described as an overpayment. Either way, that means we've now lost over half the competitors.
Euro 2020 passes, and Croatia prove their World Cup victory was no fluke, becoming both champions of the World, and champions of Europe. On the Continental front, things have been fairly predictable so far, at least until this years Europa League. Hoffenheim escape a tough group and go all the way to win the entire thing. Not bad for a team that barely qualified in the first place. Oh, and Messi wins a little thing called the Ballon d’Or for the 10th time. I think he’s only just getting started.
Loyal Players Remaining: 24
Abreu Club Count: 24 clubs in 10 countries
Odd Winners: Hoffenheim (Europa League)

2021/22

The 21/22 season begins with two transfers on the first day. Loïc Perrin makes his way to the Premier League to join Leicester. But that's a minor splash compared to the other move, as after 768 appearances and 302 goals, Francesco Totti leaves Roma. It seems wrong to see it, but he’ll now be wearing a Man United kit. Dortmund continue their run of stealing loyalty, this time bringing Tony Jantschke into the fold. Another contract is run to the end, forcing Álex Bergantiños out of Deportivo without much choice, before being picked up by Cagliari. Mikel González opts to end his time at Real Sociedad, joining Pellissier over at Fiorentina. And as August comes to a close, it looks like Totti may be the only big departure. That is until Gianluigi Buffon decides to call time on his Juventus career. It’s an odd move, with the legend going sorta sideways from a regular starting Juventus spot to Bayern Munich. But there’s no going back now, as his 636 league appearance career with the Italians comes to a close. Two legends down in one window.
No season is complete without a single winter signing to warrant an entire separate paragraph, and this season is no different. Sergi Roberto moves away from Barcelona, in a £24M move to French giants PSG. A good way to guarantee yourself plenty of titles I guess. Abreu also makes a winter move, adding Guarani in the Brasilian second tier to his collection.
Roberto’s decision proves to be a good one, as PSG go on to claim their 10th one in a row. Not many surprises elsewhere, although Real Oviedo get close to pulling off a shock in the Copa del Rey. The second tier team beat Osasuna, Barcelona and Sevilla on the way to the final, but ultimately Real Madrid prove a step too far. Elsewhere everything is won by a team you’d probably expect. Exciting stuff.
Loyal Players Remaining: 17
Abreu Club Count: 25 clubs in 10 countries
Odd Winners: None

2022/23

With the pool of players rapidly decreasing, very few of the crew are even wanted by other clubs anymore. Perhaps deterred by their steadfast loyalty? A few moves do still happen though, so we’re not dead yet. Firstly Anthony Lopes gets fed up of PSG dominating his league and moves to AC Milan for a better shot at a trophy. It’s not long before that story is forgotten, as the biggest transfer fee in the competition so far is dropped. Andrés Iniesta is stolen away from Barcelona, in a huge £86M move to Man United. The midfield maestro fell 2 appearances short of 600 league games for Barcelona, but with his new £300K per-week contract it’s not hard to guess why. That proves to be all the action for the summer window, with no-one willing to top that huge move.
After half a season of hearing their noisy neighbours gloating about their star signing, Man City snap. And if there’s one thing City are good at, it’s splashing the cash. In probably the easiest negotiation over fee Barcelona has ever had, Sergio Busquets makes a £95M move to the sky blues. Yeh, that’ll show United. Once again no-one wants to get in the middle of the awkward Manchester squabble, and the winter transfer closes with a whimper.
The second World Cup of this experiment comes and goes. This time all the giants make it safely through the Group Stages, but it’s Africa that really excels. Morocco make the knockouts, Egypt battle through to the Quarter Finals, but Nigeria come out best. They beat South Korea and Argentina before falling valiantly to France in the Semi-Finals. A 1-0 victory of Italy does see them finish in an impressive 3rd place, becoming the first African team to finish in the top 3 of the World Cup. France win the title on penalties after a deceivingly action-filled 0-0 draw with Spain. The domestic scene follows that with a similar lack of real shocks. In the Carabao Cup, Bournemouth beat Arsenal, Chelsea and Man United on the way to lifting the trophy. But it’s the lesser Cup, so outside of Bournemouth no-one really cares. PSG finally have their grip on the Ligue 1 broken, as Casillas leads Monaco to a fantastic title. Otherwise, all the league titles and cups fall to teams you’d expect them too. Another thrilling year.
Loyal Players Remaining: 14
Abreu Club Count: 25 clubs in 10 countries
Odd Winners: Bournemouth (Carabao Cup)

2023/24

Literally nothing happens. Thomas Kessler decides that no team can ignore his existence for 20 seasons in a row and get away with it, leaving Köln to join Trabzonspor. So as I said, literally nothing happens. Even Javi López moving to yet another club would be more interesting than that.
The same applies to the footballing season. Asides from Casillas captaining Monaco to a Champions League title, or Atletico winning the title again, exactly 10 years after their last win, everything is frustratingly normal. And even those two events are hardly shocks.
Before I start to lose hope, there are a few interesting moves over the last few years from the losing group that are worth highlighting. First season mover Bruno didn’t make the impact he hoped and found himself moving to the lovely Stoke. Robin Knoche barely received any playtime at Dortmund and found himself cast out to Dinamo Zagreb. Even in League 1, Tony Hibbert could barely get any game time at Villa and so moved on the Scunthorpe in League 2. But the winner of the oddest move has to be Zurutuza, who somehow manage to pull off a move to Liverpool after West Ham found themselves relegated, only make a few disappointing performances, before being released on a free to join Al-Arabi in Qatar. Not quite the career he was anticipating when joining the Premier League I bet.
Loyal Players Remaining: 13
Abreu Club Count: 25 clubs in 10 countries
Odd Winners: None

2024/25

The summer transfer window arrives for another season, and with it finally comes a huge deal! Javi López has found yet another club! Hooray! As for actual competitors, absolutely no movement whatsoever. Even from Abreu, who’s been at Guarani for 2.5 years now. Manceau, Lewington and Seube complain to their managers about playing time or relegation, but none of them actually make a move anywhere. So our final 13 will add another 5 years onto their career length.
There are some fun statistics from our 51 worth mentioning at this point. Buffon leads the way with both total league appearances (935) and international caps (259). His caps are at a point where they’re too high for the game to display, as the value is stored as an unsigned 8-bit integer, and so has rolled over to just show 3. Most appearances for a single club goes to Dean Lewington however, who thanks to being a regular sits at 857 league appearances for the MK Dons (or 889 if you include Wimbledon). In the goals department, the winner is obvious. With almost 500 league goals, 100 international goals and 14 Ballon d’Or awards, Messi sits on top of everyone. On the international scene, he’s run close by Müller and the fast-approaching Kane, but for league goals, it’s not even close.
2024 brings with it a Euro tournament, which doesn’t provide much in the way of surprises, but brings with it some exciting high scoring matches. All ending in a 4-3 victory for a Thomas Müller led Germany over neighbours Netherlands. Which I’m sure went down very well. The domestic scene decides to spring a few shocks though. In Serie A, Roma claim an impressive title thanks to main striker Iheanacho, their first since 2001. The German and French cups provide surprise winners, in the form of Hertha Berlin and Dijon. Both cap an impressive run by beating their respective league winners, Bayern and Monaco. Even the continental tournaments turn up too. First Monaco cement their place as a top power in football by winning their second Champions League in a row. That coming a week after the best win there could possibly be. Tottenham win the Europa League! Screw the other stuff, that last part is all I need!
Loyal Players Remaining: 13
Abreu Club Count: 25 clubs in 10 countries
Odd Winners: Dijon (Coupe de France), Hertha Berlin (DFB Pokal)

At this point though it’s fair to say that the competition results are more interesting than the movements of the players. Which is the perfect signal that things need to speed up a little bit. So from now on, updates will be every 5 years, which lines up perfectly with player age resets, letting us see who has made it to the next checkpoint.

2025-2030

Another round of de-ageing hits, and you’d think that would incite some interest in our final 13. Instead, it’s a ghost town. We do have an immediate dropout though, as Nicolas Seube finally gets fed up with his lack of playtime at Caen and heads for Panionios in Greece. A year later the situation is repeated. I’m not entirely sure what his unhappiness was about, but Iker Muniain decides he’s had enough of Athletic Club and moves to Hamburger SV. At least he left on exactly 100 goals for Athletic though, a nice round number. With 11 left, a standoff to reach the top 10 ensues. For 3 years no-one budges in their show of loyalty, until in 2029… Dean Lewington leaves for Derby County on a free. It’s a huge move, with Lewington becoming the first man to break through 1000 league appearances for a single club before leaving. But he’s moved on now, and it won’t be long before that record is broken. That move means we’re left with our final 10 contestants. Terry, Iraola, Messi, Susaeta, Noble, Jourdren, Müller, Kane, Manceau and Bargfrede have secured a top 10 spot, and now all that’s left to do is fight it out for number 1.
Over in Brazil, our anti-one-club man continues his journey, although it remains in Brazil for the moment. Only 2 clubs are added to his count, with a long stay at Atletico Goianiense followed by a £2M move to top tier Coritiba. I’m kind of hoping he starts to make enough waves in the Brazilian league to move to Europe and add some new countries to his history.
Those that fell before the first de-ageing are retiring, finishing off their magnificent, or in some cases very un-magnificent, careers (as losers). Javi López finishes his fine anti-loyalty tour around Spain with 7 transfers to his name. Schmelzer, Nacho, Solly, Álvarez, Koke, Mario, Prieto, Marchisio, De Rossi, David García, Zurutuza, Knoche, Höfler, Pellissier, Mallo, Horn and Hibbert end their careers. Many, such as Nacho, Horn and De Rossi stay just as committed to their new clubs as they did their old, finishing out their careers after just a single transfer. Of the pensioners, Sergio Pellissier manages to rack up the most career league appearances and goals, at 894 and 246, although that’s largely thanks to a huge head start. De Rossi dominates on the international scene, earning a whopping 197 caps over his 30-year career. Naturally, all those records will be blown out the water once the next group start retiring, but it’s nice to have some benchmarks.
Around the world, plenty has gone on worth hearing about. The Netherlands claim their first-ever World Cup win, beating Brazil in the final, whilst in the Euro’s Germany win their second tournament in a row. The Gold Cup throws up a few interesting results too, as first, the Mexico B team win it, with their A team tied up in the Confederations Cup. Then 4 years later Canada take the title, only the second time in their history. Over in Italy, Lazio find themselves relegated as the league starts to shake itself up a bit. But other than that, domestic football remains relatively unspectacular. Oh except… TOTTENHAM WINNING THE LEAGUE. Didn’t even have to reset it and we won it before Arsenal did. North London is very much Lilywhite now, suck it Gooners!
Loyal Players Remaining: 10
Abreu Club Count: 27 clubs in 10 countries
Odd Winners: Tottenham (Premier League)

2030-2035

Another 5 years pass and to start with it looks like the top 10 are going to hold firm. Eventually though, the temptation of money proves too much for one man. That man is Geoffrey Jourdren who trades in his starting slot at Montpellier for a cosy backup contract at PSG. Then comes… dead silence. Not even a rumour, or an unhappy player. No-one even hints at leaving for the next 4 years, which means we end the period with nine players on the books. The real waiting game has begun. Even our journeyman Abreu is moving in a very slow way, as a five year Coritiba stint finishes with a free transfer to Red Bull Brasil. I think my hopes for a European move have died.
At least there are a lot of retirements to run through. Bruno, Lahm, Casillas, Valdés, Danzé, Oier, Xavi, Torres, Perrin, Jantschke, Bergantiños, González, Roberto, Iniesta and Busquets hang up their playing boots. That does leave us without some noted legends, with Lahm, Casillas, Iniesta and Busquets reaching 200 caps for their country. You’d think Spain would have won more with that golden generation. Casillas and Xavi also both hit 1000 league appearances thanks to a strong head start before the experiment. But it’s Andrés Iniesta who is the most loyal of the bunch, racking up nearly 600 appearances for his original club before departing.
Five years leaves plenty of time for interesting results once again. England take a World Cup win, which is always a sign of the apocalypse, only made more bizarre by Scotland making the semi-finals in the same competition. Portugal take the other title in that period, whilst the Euros also see a surprise winner in Switzerland. France provides the biggest shock at club level, as Lille come from nowhere to win Ligue 1, and then immediately revert back to mid-table once again. Otherwise, the time belongs to Manchester City. The oil bar… sky blues take 4 out of 5 titles in both the Premier League and Champions League, with all that cash flinging finally paying off.
Loyal Players Remaining: 9
Abreu Club Count: 28 clubs in 10 countries
Odd Winners: England (World Cup), Lille (Ligue 1)

2035-40

With just nine players left, once again we get a transfer fairly early on in the period. Early as in the first transfer window, which makes me wonder why they waited so long. Anyway, Mark Noble has had his patience tested by West Ham’s yoyoing between the Premier League and Championship a bit too much and finally caves. He makes a £20M move to Burnley, who… are doing the exact same thing. Not sure that was the brightest idea. Like the previous 5 years though, one transfer is all we get. None of the others move, despite some pretty heavy unhappiness from Bargfrede and Manceau. Abreu keeps up his trail, running out his contract with Red Bull Brasil and opting for Chapecoense to reach 29 clubs in his career.
With very few moving recently, that also means less and less are retiring, as just 7 ex-competitors leave the game. Totti, Buffon, Lopes, Kessler, Seube, Muniain and Lewington call time on their football life. The fact they all stuck with it for so long means there’s so impressive stats between them. Totti racked up 1154 league appearances, with 768 at Roma. Dean Lewington, after leaving MK Dons with 1003 appearances finished with a total of 1287. Italian legend Gianluigi Buffon finished with a whopping 1307 league appearances, but perhaps more impressively, 334 international caps. But the single most surprising statistic goes to Thomas Kessler. Despite barely playing in Germany he manages to notch a grand total of 7 goals after his move to Turkey. Maybe if he’d been a striker he’d have actually played at Koln. Oh and Seube ends his career Greek. Because why not.
As per every time, a quick look around the world’s results is needed. Spain win back the World Cup titles, whilst Italy take a Euro win. Argentina, Mexico and Australia claim all their continents international trophies in the window, so no massive surprises there. The domestic world isn’t exactly littered with shocks either. Brescia win a Coppa Italia, and Nîmes Olympique grab 4 top 5 finishes in a row in France, but there’s not really much to shout about. I think it’s best to just get on with the next de-ageing.
Loyal Players Remaining: 8
Abreu Club Count: 29 clubs in 10 countries
Odd Winners: Brescia (Coppa Italia)

2040-45

Down to 8 now, so it’s getting tougher. And a lot slower, so slow in fact that not a single transfer in our group happens in five years. For a moment I was excited to see Manceau at Recreativo de Huelva, but that was just a loan. So I was back to being crushed. On the plus side, Abreu makes some huge steps. He adds not just 1, but 2 new countries to his history! The first is Portugal, in a huge step up to join Braga. As usual, it’s just until his contract ends, before he moves on to Frankfurt in the Bundesliga. He’s hardly setting Europe alight but I don’t care, he’s actually moving!
There’s only one retiree to talk about too, as pretty much everyone has already gone. Geoffrey Jourdren finishes up with 925 total league appearances. It probably could have been a bit more, if he’d not spent 10 years of his career being a backup at PSG and Bayern. On a far more interesting note, Terry breaks through 1500 career league appearances. Kane also hits 256 international goals, which results in the number resetting to 0 just like caps. So the game has him on 96 caps with 11 goals, when the actual numbers are a stunning 352 caps with 267 goals.
Having seen my disappointment last time around, the world decides to liven things up. Denmark become both Champions of the World and Champions of Europe in 2042 and 2040, although they lose the European title to Germany 4 years later. At the continental level, the Champions League stays on track, but the Europa League brings some bizarre winners into the mix. Nîmes Olympique, Real Sociedad, Leicester and Bristol City all win a trophy. It seems Mark Noble finally made a right move transferring to Bristol City, as the club is now a strong top 6 Premier League side. Manceau wins a Coupe de France at Angers, but it’s still Nîmes making waves, forming a big three with PSG and Monaco. It may not be long before either Nîmes or Bristol City win their league, which is not something I expected to be saying.
Loyal Players Remaining: 8
Abreu Club Count: 31 clubs in 12 countries
Odd Winners: Nîmes Olympique/Bristol City (Europa League), Angers (Coupe de France)

2045-50

2045 kicks off and once again Manceau deceives me. This time it’s a loan spell in Denmark with Brøndby that had me thinking he was gone. Well you know what they say, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice… I’m probably gonna fall for it. It looks like there’s going to be no moves whatsoever once again, until June 2047 arrives and I notice a contract is set to expire. Imagine my shock when Lionel Messi is not offered a contract by Barcelona and is let go. It’s made doubly worse by the fact that of all teams to pick him up, it's Atletico Madrid. Apparently, 37 Ballon d’Or awards aren’t good enough for Barcelona anymore. I don’t even care that nothing else happens. That’s enough to stun me.
Over in the retirement home, Mark Noble moves into a room. After an up and down career, the Englishman did manage some silverware with Bristol City and ended his career with 1317 league appearances. He even earned not just 1, but 90 England caps across his 44-year career.
Around the world, interesting results are still cropping up. England grab their third World Cup win beating Colombia, whilst Honduras win their first-ever Gold Cup. Much to my bitter disappointment, Arsenal win 4 of the 5 Champions Leagues on offer, as well as 3 Premier League titles. Chelsea have a period of bottom 10 finishes which deeply upsets Terry, whilst over in France, Chamois Niortais begin to try and join the top 3. Don’t worry I’ve never heard of them either.
Loyal Players Remaining: 7
Abreu Club Count: 32 clubs in 12 countries
Odd Winners: Honduras (Gold Cup)

2050-55

With the world still reeling at the fact the Messi has moved from Barcelona, everyone kinda forgets to make any moves. In fact, Messi is the first person to move yet again, leaving Atletico in a very cheap 34.5M move to Man City. Which is more in line with where I originally expected him to go. Abreu finishes one contract, at Hapoel Be’er Sheva, and moves onto the next, but it’s with Monterrey so doesn’t count. Sebastian, it has to be new clubs. John Terry is starting to get frustrated with a Chelsea team that has really fallen from grace. The Londoners barely survive relegation in 2052/53, so Terry may be the next to go. Or maybe I know nothing and it’s completely random.
No-one retires this year, so let’s take a brief look at some statistics of our remaining 7 + Messi. All our players have now reached 1000 appearances, with Bargfrede in last at 1173. Messi has crossed 1000 league goals, now a full 300 clear of the chasing pack of Abreu and Kane. On the international level, Thomas Müller becomes the first player to need a rollover of caps twice, moving on to a massive 524 international caps. But it’s Kane who still leads the international goal stat, nearly breaking 350, a full 50 ahead of the German.
Müller does, however, grab a World Cup win for Germany so I’m sure he won’t be too upset. At least until they’re deposed by Holland 4 years later. On the continental level, Bristol City win another Europa League title beating previous champions Espanyol. Middlesbrough also nearly earn a trophy, having joined Bristol as a top 6 team. But the winner of the biggest shock, although I did say this might happen, goes to Chamois Niortais, who topple the dominance of PSG and Monaco to capture a miraculous Ligue 1 title in the last season of the period.
Loyal Players Remaining: 7
Abreu Club Count: 32 clubs in 12 countries
Odd Winners: Chamois Niortais (Ligue 1), Bristol City/Espanyol (Europa League)

2055-60

The summer window of 2055 opens and as I warned may happen, there’s an almost immediate transfer. Fed up with Chelsea’s mediocre finishes, John Terry decides to move on. Unfortunately for Chelsea fans, Arsenal is his next club, which I’m sure will cause a few shudders. A year later and another move comes around, once again due to unhappiness over the club’s performance. Surprisingly it's Thomas Müller,who's annoyed by the fact that Bayern haven’t won a Bundesliga title since 2048, and so runs down his contract. Leverkusen almost earn his signature, but eventually its the glory of PSG that proves too much to resist. But we’re not done there! Another player runs down their contract, opting to move to Vitoria de Setubal in Portugal. Vincent Manceau finally makes a real move rather than constantly faking me out. So with another 3 players down, we’re left with our final 4. The race for the top 3 is hotting up now!
We do have a retirement this time thanks to the transfer window livening up. The world's best-ever player, Lionel Messi, retires from football. He ends up on a total of 1858 league appearances, scoring a massive 1068 goals in this time. 1430 appearances and 895 goals of those belonging to his 45-year career at Barcelona. On the international scene, he earned an impressive 505 caps and 276 goals. But it’s the awards where he shines. 279 individual awards, 82 team titles, 22 league titles, 6 Champions League titles, 45 Ballon d’Or awards. What makes it even crazier is 41 of those Ballon d’Or awards were in a row, as he earned every single one from 2015 to 2056. I don’t think I’ll see another player like that crop up in any save, truly the world’s best player.
Looking out on the world, I can say that it’s a Chamois Niortais player that breaks Messi’s streak, as the French team claim another two Ligue 1 titles. It’s hard to say they’re a “surprise winner” at this point. Bristol City finally make the full step up to join the big guns, winning 3 Carabao Cups, 1 FA Cup, 2 Premier League titles and even a Champions League trophy. If any Bristol City fans want this save to give themselves hope over the future, I can send it over. Internationally it's the era of Portugal, as they claim both the Euro and World Cup trophies.
Loyal Players Remaining: 4
Abreu Club Count: 32 clubs in 12 countries
Odd Winners: Bristol City (Premier League/Champions League), Lyon (Relegation)

With so few players left, now is probably a good time to speed it up once again. The final four will be tough to budge, so how about we move to 10-year intervals to try and cut down on dead years. And I'll be moving to the comments, because I've hit reddits character limit.

Busy one today. This latest Q&A is aimed at what the EFL's next steps are likely to be, how people feel about the various options being spoken about and whether we really want another ball to be kicked this season or not.

• Phil's not convinced the Championship will finish. There is a chance it will and at the moment everyone's looking at the 25th May to begin training but the breathing space to fit the season in before the deadline on 31st July has pretty much gone now. The FA's insisting on sporting merit being used to decide things so Leeds should be promoted in that case but if the PL's bottom three mount a campaign to block relegation things will get messy.
  
• He says that Leeds are obviously looking good in terms of PPG and current league position so they've been able to stay fairly quiet publicly about how this could play out, especially as the FA have said we won't allow relegation to be blocked. He says the club have seemed fairly relaxed from the start and feel they're in a good position, ready to play out the season but deserving of promotion if that can't be done but obviously you can't count chickens before they've hatched. Haven't been taking legal advice on a null and void situation because they don't expect it to happen. Leeds are confident that one way or another they'll end up promoted.
  
• The FA have been clear that they want everything to be decided on sporting merit and that voiding can't happen. Phil warns not to underestimate the power of the PL though.
  
• Says that there's enough time to play out the season if that's what's decided although it will be packed into an unnaturally short timeframe. There will be a problem if there's another delay to the start of training though, if they keep delaying they'll get to a point where they just can't fit 9 games + playoffs in before the 31st July deadline for finishing the season.
  
• Says that the PL's bottom six aren't the only ones asking for leagues to be stopped now, there are others in various places in various leagues with concerns over health and logistics. However, no club should be able to use this as an excuse to have relegation scrapped which is why the FA have said that the PL must relegate teams. Repercussions and challenges feel inevitable to Phil if/when that happens without playing the remaining games.
  
• In regards to comments from PL clubs/people involved with them recently about blocking promotion, Phil says that he doesn't feel like anyone thinks it's a credible argument. The FA wants sporting merit to be applied and if the PL tries to avoid that it will be chaos. Found it interesting that Tyler Roberts has said the players want to play the last 9 games to win promotion on the field and also to rid them of being reminded of losing it last season. The players as a group are really keen to play it out. They've been training as close as they can to full tilt right the way through so are 100% ready to start again if the EFL says they should. Bielsa was ready to begin on the 16th before the date was put back. All they'd need is a little time to get to peak Bielsa levels of fitness. They're all back in the country now and Phil hasn't heard of any virus-related issues for any of them. Phil says he thinks Leeds' chances of promotion if they play out the last nine games would be very high.
  
• He doesn't see the logic in PL clubs trying to block it either. Says that anyone in the bottom three after 38 games deserves to go down, they've had their chance and weren't good enough. It's also not their prerogative to decide how or if three teams replace them.
  
• Still plenty of pressure from Champ clubs to finish the season as they're wary of having to repay TV money plus there's still so many clubs who could make the playoffs. Championship is better placed to finish the season behind closed doors than Leagues 1 & 2 but it's all down to government and medical advice. Says the EFL won't just promote Fulham as the third placed team.
  
• In response to a question about potential investment if we go up, Phil says that Radz is open to it if there's an offer on the table he likes. When he's spoken about QSI he's always talked about it as an option if we're in the PL. The other side of the coin is that with the rise in income there could be scope to keep shares split between him and the 49ers as they are currently
  
• Phil's not in any doubt that Leeds have earned promotion up to this point in the sense of being clearly one of the two best teams over 37 games and for a huge chunk of the last two seasons. Leeds weren't asking for this interruption and it's not their fault, we'd been on a tear when play was suspended. Says Fulham (and others) had the chance to turn the screw and take 2nd place for themselves over January/early Feb and didn't take it and now it's a long way back for them.
  
• Agrees with one comment that if you take a step back and try and look at things neutrally, the idea getting things restarted can look like pie in the sky. But they're absolutely trying to make it happen anyway.
  
• Phil believes that the argument not to play does get more difficult as other industries also return. Also begs the question, if they're not happy to return now then when? The virus isn't going to go away and it will still be here when next season is supposed to start. Of course safety must be considered but at some point society has to start functioning again and that includes football. Says it's not a good look on the PL bottom six to make excuses as they have been and while some of those excuses may be legitimate they have to be careful not to appear self-serving.
  
• Phil says that if he was a Leeds fan himself then he'd find the idea of promotion being won in a boardroom or behind closed doors hard to take after 15 years of misery and mediocrity. Football's all about memories and he hates the idea of Leeds being promoted to the Premier League via an email from the EFL but on the other hand Leeds deserve it on the basis of results so far and have been fighting for this for so long. Says some of what has been mooted at PL level has been fanciful to the point of desperate.
  
• Similarly he says it's sad that even if we are promoted it won't be the Premier League we all expected to find in the event of being promoted someday. A lot of the season will be behind closed doors and that's not what the players nor Bielsa deserve. However, we've been treated by what we've been given these last two years and that shouldn't be forgotten whatever happens. It'll be hard to look back on the memories of these last two years as anything other than a fabulous adventure. Phil feels sorry for Bielsa not getting the promotion/PL season he deserves and says that Bielsa would want that for us as fans as well.
  
• It feels to Phil like the EFL/Championship is in the PL's slipstream, waiting to react to what the PL does. If the PL get games going again many in the Championship will feel like they should too but the Championship has more teams and more games to complete which makes it more complex to do.
  
• Expects clubs to be very careful with money when the transfer window reopens and certain teams will be more vulnerable than usual to bids for key players. Doesn't expect Leeds to be hugely affected, they've been continuing to scout and monitor targets but the window as a whole will be a strange one.
  
• Thinks it'd be unfair to just promote/relegate two teams and cancel playoffs. Why should a third club miss out on promotion and third bottom in the PL be granted a reprieve? Even if they settled the top two on PPG Phil says it shouldn't be too difficult to stage the playoffs alone.
  
• One person floated the idea of using the break to align the season with the calendar year to fit in the World Cup in 2022. Broadcasting contracts make this pretty much impossible though and it would be difficult to then restructure seasons after the World Cup to return to an Aug-May schedule. Says the rush to get it all finished has bordered on desperation, one reason why it's all been so messy and looked ridiculous at times.
  
• Phil admits it's strange to be considering playing in a few weeks when we still have hundreds of people dying every day. He says it's all eyes on Germany right now and if they can make it work then it stands to reason that others can too. Potential for a PR disaster too though with extra pressure on emergency services and the threat of players/staff getting the virus. Phil says they'll be mindful of that but perhaps less mindful than they will be of TV money they could lose.
  
• Loans/contracts aren't secure at this stage. Leeds would need to come to an agreement with Berardi for him to play beyond the 30th June. He expects a blanket agreement across all leagues for loans though, most teams would suffer to some extent without their loanees so it makes sense for everyone to sort that out. Bielsa will stay until this season is settled and Phil expects him to continue for another year if we're promoted. If we aren't then all bets are off. No one expected him to have a third go at this league before the pandemic hit but missing out due to COVID-19 is not the same as missing out on the pitch. Would that be different for Bielsa, enough to push him to stay for one more year?
  
• No one's yet nailed down whether five substitutes would be allowed in the Championship. Phil points out all it would do for Leeds is give Bielsa two more subs to not use.
  
• An article on The Athletic previously mentioned a figure of £30m to be paid back to TV companies by Championship clubs if the season ends early. There are some clubs who would rather pay that back than pay for costs involved in staging games in this climate but that isn't the dominant view. Most clubs want to play and don't want to pay anything back to Sky, they're already at risk of having to pay other commercial refunds.
  
• If the PL plays out and the Championship doesn't you could end up with one set of teams having played through summer, had an unusually short break and then started a new season while a 2/3 may not have played at all between March and September. Phil says that could work in Leeds' favour with players fresher but that most footballers prefer to keep at it and that very few really switch off over summer anyway.
  
• JKA has apparently got himself in a condition to take part in full training if/when it returns now. He looks like a genuine asset now when it looked before like he'd play little part in the final nine games.
  
• Leeds will play in Kappa until this season is finished one way or another before moving to Adidas for next season.
  
• We are apparently being linked with Juan Foyth (again) from Spurs. Phil says he hasn't heard him mentioned as a concrete target though.
  
• Phil heard from a source at another Championship club that testing for players should football return could cost each club £20k p/w. It's a big deal, especially for those at the lower end of the Championship money scale and there have been whispers that the PL would have to help finance it.
  
• On the subject of FFP, clubs who are within the limits think that those who either aren't or will miss them because of COVID-19 should be punished the same as usual.
  
• Phil's gut feeling is still that Kalvin Phillips is more likely to leave even if it's only the virus that stops us being promoted.
  

The year is 2016. I arrive at the unemployment office young, all of 21 years old, with nary any dirt on my boots. No playing experience nor do I have any coaching qualifications, but one thing was certain, I would settle for any coaching job that came my way. I cast a wide net, from the top leagues of the world, to the semi professional teams throughout, with many a unsuccessful application. I can’t find a sensible person willing to hand over a football club to a completely unqualified applicant. Until my job hunt takes me to Northamptonshire, England.
Brackley Town FC. I arrive an eager American Coach, quick to placate the board with whatever requests they desire, I am desperate for the job. I walk away less than optimistic. Shortly thereafter while sorting through unsuccessful applications I find it, a job offer from Brackley Town. I accept.
I arrive, the players are less than impressed. My qualifications on par with someone who won a raffle to be coach for a day. My first few seasons are widely mediocre, but eventually promotion is achieved through playoffs, in my 6th season. We go from the Vanarama Divisional to National. The club is in complete financial ruin but for a few weeks, celebrations are in order, the part timers did it.
Nobody rated us very high for avoiding relegation. 3 seasons later it was Sky Bet 2, 3 seasons after we won the league and after 2 more in Sky Bet 1 we were in the championship.
My 12th and 13th seasons were spent in the championship before reaching the pinnacle of world football, the English Premier League.
St. James park had once been a waterlogged mess, which had mere hundreds of people who turned up on game day. With success came financial stability, and we now packed a premier league sized stadium, Now Brackley Stadium with a capacity of 62,280. The clubs value, 1.52 billion. Our first season we finished 9th. Nobody expected it.
Several seasons of mid table finishes later, several key player additions, such as my Spanish striker tandem of Alberto Ortega, and Miguel Mariscal, both legends, the former appearing in a total of 426 games with 475 goals, we became a serial winner.
After finishing in second and third for a few seasons, we won the league, for the first time in Brackley’s history, we had won something. This launched an era that which the world had never seen. That next year we finished with 4 trophies, the premiere league, FA Cup, Capital One Cup, and Community shield. The next year, another domestic treble as we won the league again.
2040/41 saw a treble of a different kind. The premiere league, FA cup, and the Champions league. From our first league championship, we would never lose another league while I was at the wheel, 17 premiere leagues in a row. Surely the game is broken beyond repair. Between those 17 years we would achieve 9 Champions Leagues Trophies, 17 Premiere League, 8 club world Championships, 7 Euro SUPER cup, 1 Euro Cup, 9 FA Cups, 10 Capital One Cups, 14 Community Shields, and a sky bet league 2 trophy.
I leave my post as a one club man, 38 years and 334 days at the helm, resigning on my own terms. A total record of 1284 wins, 417 draws, and 486 losses. My final season sees me win the league, champions league, FA cup, club World Cup, and 3 other trophies. I ended it like I began it, with a sense of anonymity, no walkout or celebration like Fergie, a simple 2 week notice will do.
I end my career as the winningest coach in football history. A testament to patience and reward.
I say this all because I have started a new career in FM 2020, unemployed, and after 3 failed applications, I have received a job offer. There was only one option.
It’s Brackley Town.

[ Removed by reddit in response to a copyright notice. ]

(Disclaimer, LONGGGG STORY GUYS)
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE GOLD! AND THE PLATINUM YOU LEGEND.
Part 1 is here: https://www.reddit.com/entitledparents/comments/aqxytz/em_tries_to_change_my_sexuality_for_her_daughte?ref=share&ref_source=link
Jesus you guys blew me up in a day. I started less than 48 hours ago, and in that time I have 5k Karma, 1600 followers, a Discord with hundreds of members, and I've been on the front page of entitledparents twice. We broke Reddit guys. We can take over the entire world!...wait, my managed says that's not allowed. Well, for now, let's finish this story and save the world and appease the hundreds asking for the rest.
Part 5: The Parent Trap (stolen)
This story features a new character we haven't seen yet. My dad. And I don't want to talk about him but it's necessary to finish the story. We'll call him DD (Drunk Dad). So F was coming to my house, and we were gonna go out bowling after. Now her mom may have been a total psychopath, but she was protective, so she checked in a lot. So F got to my house, and we had two hours before we had to meet up with our friends to leave. In that time, we decided to watch a movie "Sky High" and just chill in my room. Well being in my room was ok, since my dad knew we weren't dating (Disclaimer, my dad was a heavy drinker, so he tended to snap at the smallest thing). This started with a call from EM, a call that would change the game entirely. We were in my room with the door locked (I enjoy my privacy) when DD slammed it open, into the wall. A small hole was left where the doorknob crashed.
DD: WHY THE FUCK IS YOUR DOOR LOCKED?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Me: Watching a movie...?
DD: YOU'VE BEEN LYING TO ME THIS ENTIRE TIME HUH? YOU TWO ARE DATING!
Nononono I knew where this was going. Em that bastard!
Me: Let me guess, F's mom told you that?
DD: SHE ASKED IF YOU'D LEFT FOR YOUR DATE! FUCKING DATE OP!
Me: I don't understand. One, she's lying. Two, why would it matter?
DD: YOU ARE NOT GETTING A GIRL PREGNANT IN MY HOUSE! THAT IS NOT HAPPENING!
Me: What? We're watching a movie!
DD: YEAH OK. THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GONNA GO WITH?! GET OUT! BOTH OF YOU RIGHT NOW! GET TF OUT OF MY HOUSE IF YOU'RE GOING TO DISRESPECT ME LIKE THAT!
I had no idea what to say. So I did what any normal person would do, and got up. I walked up to him, and started yelling back. I'm not proud of the shit I said. I'm really not. There was lot. To be honest, he'd been doing this whole "get drunk yell at son" thing for years, and this was the end of it. I called him a terrible father, snapped on him for yelling at my friend, and then told him that even if I did get a girl pregnant, I'd be a better dad at 16 than he would ever be in his life. Like I said, I'm not proud of it guys, but he got the message. There was such a shocked look in his eyes, and he didn't say a word before he walked out. I turned to F and told her that we'd take her home, and that I didn't feel like bowling anymore. She understood thankfully, I never did end up getting her pregnant.
Hey guys just a quick end of story notes type thing. You guys ask why we didn't hang out at my house, and it's because I knew this kind of thing would happen. The next story will tell about the last time I went to her house while this whole fiasco occurred, and how it ended terribly.
Part 6: Dad's finished
So this story includes everyone except EG and DD. It takes place on a Friday, right after school ended. It also depicts EM showing some common sense, before throwing it out the window. So I decide to walk F home after school, since she doesn't live far from the school. The whole time she's acting kind of awkward (all will be explained). We get to her house, and she invited me in. I know it's a mistake on my part but I accept because I'm thirsty as actual hell (drink, not her). So I get a cup of water, before EM walks into the kitchen with me. F is in her room waiting, and EM asks me to sit down. So I sit at their kitchen table,
EM: So how are you and F doing? I know things are tough right now because of your dad, but I hope it's not hurting your relationship.
Me: I don't think it could hurt a non-existing relationship.
EM: That's a little rude isn't it?
Me: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you.
EM: sighs It's fine, I understand how you feel.
Me: Really?
EM: Yeah, when I was young I was stubborn about dating too. It always made ED uncomfortable to some extent.
Well I misunderstood that. I thought she realized she was crazy for a minute.
Me: So why are you so invested in me and F dating?
Well that was open. Wtf was I thinking tbh?
EM: I love my daughter, and I don't want her to get hurt! She deserves better than she's gotten, which is why I'm glad you're around!
Come on. You couldn't not feel bad! I didn't wanna be rude but I didn't wanna put the wrong ideas into her head. We all know how that would turn out!
Me: Well yeah, I love your daughter, but not like that. We're not dating anytime soon.
That was the trigger. The "anytime soon". Gone was that nice mother who I'd been talking to thirty seconds ago, and so returned the abysmal EM you all know and (unfortunately) love.
EM: Yet?! Is that a joke?! You either date my daughter now or you never do! Who do you think you are? Making her wait for a relationship you know is going to happen? This is bullshit!
Well I was screwed. Where was F when I needed her? The door opened, and I sighed with relief. My savio...ED. It was ED. I mentally started placing bets on how long I would have to live. I settled with thirty seconds if I was fast.
ED: Why is he here?! I made it clear he was not allowed in my house ever again!
EM: Why not? F is allowed to have a boyfriend! She's old enough and you know it!
ED: Not a fu--ing pervert! I want him out!
EM: How can he be a pervert if he's gay? Explain that to me please!
What. How. English. Please. "My daughter's boyfriend is gay so no sex here". What. EM had lost it. ED looked shocked. He had enough sense left to realize what she had just said made zero sense. He turned to me. So it began.
ED: You're gay?
Me: Kind of.
ED: Yes or no? You're a f--.
WHHOAAAAAA STOP RIGHT THERE BUDDY!
Me: I'm not a fa--ot. I'm your daughter's best friend and this is actually the dumbest conversation I've ever had with any group of people ever.
I was gonna lose it, just like with my dad before. There was so much pent up rage and aggression between me and this father that it was about to burst all at once.
But then.
EM: How dare you talk to my husband that way? I don't care if you're dating my daughter at all! That is completely inappropriate and honestly I think you should leave.
I was shocked. What do you mean I should leave? I just...what?!
Me: Okay, if that's what you want.
And then walks in F, like ten minutes too late (I cut out some parts of this argument because I was not happy).
F: Hey, what are you doing OP? Let's go. She grabs my hand and starts walking towards the door
ED: He was just leaving. Alone.
F looks confused. But I knew she heard the entire conversation. So I just got up and left. The literal only thing I did anymore when we hung out. That was it for me. I was done with this. Goodbye F, and goodbye crazy family...or so I thought guys...or so I thought.
Part 7: This isn't happening anymore
You guys always ask why F never stood up for me, and I answer not yet. Well here it is.
It was a few days after the incident. I hand't really talked to F after that, and it sucked. I was stuck at home in a crappy situation with no one to talk to. On this particular day, I was watching Netflix while listening to Hollywood Undead (my favorite band) when my phone went off.
Message from F: Hey, come over. I'm bored.
Message from me: No.
Message from F: Please, I need to talk to you.
Message from me: Fine, but I'm leaving if they say a word to me.
Message from F: Fine, but hurry.
I get up and walk to her house (after some prep cause I gotta look good to feel good ;)). I get there after like 20 minutes and knock. Surprisingly, she answers instead of a parent.
F: Hey.
Me: Hi. Can I come in?
F: That's why I invited you here, isn't it?
Smug much damn? Kidding guys I love her! I walk in behind her and we go straight to her room (weird, we usually stop for drinks or snacks but she seemed like she was in a rush). We get to her room and she sits down on her bed. I sit on the beanbag chair next to her but she looks up.
F: Sit with me.
Uhhh. Ok. I get up and join her on the bed. She starts talking about a movie she watched recently then looks up and just looks at me and stops.
F: I'm sorry, about everything recently. My parents, us not talking, everything.
Me: Hey, it's not your fault. Your parents just need to learn boundaries a little.
F: Yeah I guess.
We sit in silence for a minute then she sighs. She turns on the TV and clicks a random movie. To be honest, I wish I could say I don't remember what it was because of what happens next, but I'd be lying. I love Nemo and I will never claim to have forgotten him. F seems fidgety the whole time, and when I realized why it was too late.
So guys I'm gonna give you a quick reminder from earlier. Me and F did date, for less than a week. Because we realized it wasn't going to work out with us as more than friends. And this is where it all began. My biggest mistake and hers. Oops I guess.
As I'm watching the movie and we get to the part where Marlin and Dory are in the minefield, I feel the bed move a little bit. I figure she's just stretching or something, since we've been sitting for a while. Then I feel a hand on my shoulder. Then lips...on my lips?! NONONONONO! I pull away the literal second it happens and F looks up, seemingly embarrassed (wonder why Op?!)
F: What's wrong?
Me: Look, I know what's going on. And I don't want you to push a relationship because it's what your mom wants.
She looks shocked. Then hurt. Then the rage of a thousand suns fills her eyes. I assume it's aimed at me and prepare for backlash. She gets up and walks out the door, slamming it behind her. What? Then it begins. The screaming. Two women fighting behind a veil of pure unadulterated fury.
F: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING YOU BI---?
EM: WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO YOUNG LADY!? I AM YOUR MOTHER AND I WILL NOT BE DISRESPECTED IN MY OWN HOUSE! YOU CAN LEAVE IF YOU'RE GOING TO TALK LIKE THAT!
So much anger, glass shattering (not an exaggeration either, F threw a porcelain mug and it shattered against the door I was in). Fear struck my heart as I realized, I was going to die (that is an exaggeration). They were at it for a good thirty minutes. I've never heard so many bad words or insults or abortion threats. What was happening? Even ED didn't dare step in the way of this massacre of men.
F: I'm done with you. I'm done. You ruined the one chance I had of actually getting with someone I cared about because you couldn't get it out of your stupid god damn brain that we HAD to be together. You ruined it. Not me, not him. You ruined everything!
With that she ran into her room and locked the door. She was crying, and I think she forgot I was in there for a good 10 seconds. She was lying on her bed in a ball when I walked up and put my hand on her back. She looked up, ready to argue, then realized it was me. She just started crying louder and looked down. I don't want to get into too much detail on what was said, because it was really personal. But we talked for hours upon hours upon hours. By the time we stopped, it was around 11pm. She offered to let me sleep over, to which I responded she was a psychopath (jokingly. She wasn't her mom after all). Then I got my stuff together and walked out the door. As I was leaving she stopped me.
F: So...I'll see you tomorrow right?
Me: Of course you will.
We both stood there for a few seconds before I sighed. I leaned in and kissed her. Yup, on the lips. She looked absolutely confused out of her mind before I turned and walked off. This time I walked home, because I didn't care about the cold. A lot had happened and I was just tired. I got home to a lot of yelling from my dad, who demanded to know why I was so late and if F was "as done with my bullshit as he was". I smiled and flipped him off. I suck at being a son. Later that night I was laying in bed wondering what the hell had just happened. The next day we decided it would be official, we were a couple. Happy ending, right? Wrong. ED decided it was his turn to step in, and took her phone. Then he called the school to make sure we never saw each other (because of previous allegations, they happily agreed to keep us separated). After that I never saw F for a full three days, before we finally ran into each other in the hallway. It had been hell. ED had even tried homeschooling her before he realized he had to register and fill out a bunch of paperwork to do that. We mutually agreed with this much toxicity in her family, there was absolutely no way we were going to make it as a couple. We decided to remain friends, but weren't as close until a few months after, when my dad ended up hospitalized. After that we started talking all the time again, and became the best friends we are now. And that everyone, is the story of how my best friend's mom tried to use every single trick she knew to get me and her daughter to start dating, only to have it ripped from her hands behind her back by her own husband. I hope you all enjoyed!
Authors Note: Guys you've made Reddit history. Look at my account after 2 days. There's been so much support, and so many people have have taken the side of a stranger because he brought a few minutes of joy to them with something he wrote. This should be the end...but it's only the beginning my friends. I have more stories about me and F, more about her parents that don't belong on entitledparents , and more stories to just share in general. I love the community you guys have helped me accidentally build in just a few days, and let's keep it growing. Be ready to spread some positivity, and get ready for more great stories involving me, F, and so many more. I'll even try to get her to open an account for you guys, so you can hear some more stories from her point of view. Expect more stories daily, and let's keep this alive! I love you all, and I'll see you tomorrow morning when I post my first CB story! Happy Late Valentine's Day my friends!

(Disclaimer, LONGGGG STORY GUYS)
Part 1 is here: https://www.reddit.com/entitledparents/comments/aqxytz/em_tries_to_change_my_sexuality_for_her_daughte?ref=share&ref_source=link
Jesus you guys blew me up in a day. I started less than 48 hours ago, and in that time I have 5k Karma, 1600 followers, a Discord with hundreds of members, and I've been on the front page of entitledparents twice. We broke Reddit guys. We can take over the entire world!...wait, my managed says that's not allowed. Well, for now, let's finish this story and save the world and appease the hundreds asking for the rest.
Part 5: The Parent Trap (stolen)
This story features a new character we haven't seen yet. My dad. And I don't want to talk about him but it's necessary to finish the story. We'll call him DD (Drunk Dad). So F was coming to my house, and we were gonna go out bowling after. Now her mom may have been a total psychopath, but she was protective, so she checked in a lot. So F got to my house, and we had two hours before we had to meet up with our friends to leave. In that time, we decided to watch a movie "Sky High" and just chill in my room. Well being in my room was ok, since my dad knew we weren't dating (Disclaimer, my dad was a heavy drinker, so he tended to snap at the smallest thing). This started with a call from EM, a call that would change the game entirely. We were in my room with the door locked (I enjoy my privacy) when DD slammed it open, into the wall. A small hole was left where the doorknob crashed.
DD: WHY THE FUCK IS YOUR DOOR LOCKED?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Me: Watching a movie...?
DD: YOU'VE BEEN LYING TO ME THIS ENTIRE TIME HUH? YOU TWO ARE DATING!
Nononono I knew where this was going. Em that bastard!
Me: Let me guess, F's mom told you that?
DD: SHE ASKED IF YOU'D LEFT FOR YOUR DATE! FUCKING DATE OP!
Me: I don't understand. One, she's lying. Two, why would it matter?
DD: YOU ARE NOT GETTING A GIRL PREGNANT IN MY HOUSE! THAT IS NOT HAPPENING!
Me: What? We're watching a movie!
DD: YEAH OK. THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GONNA GO WITH?! GET OUT! BOTH OF YOU RIGHT NOW! GET TF OUT OF MY HOUSE IF YOU'RE GOING TO DISRESPECT ME LIKE THAT!
I had no idea what to say. So I did what any normal person would do, and got up. I walked up to him, and started yelling back. I'm not proud of the shit I said. I'm really not. There was lot. To be honest, he'd been doing this whole "get drunk yell at son" thing for years, and this was the end of it. I called him a terrible father, snapped on him for yelling at my friend, and then told him that even if I did get a girl pregnant, I'd be a better dad at 16 than he would ever be in his life. Like I said, I'm not proud of it guys, but he got the message. There was such a shocked look in his eyes, and he didn't say a word before he walked out. I turned to F and told her that we'd take her home, and that I didn't feel like bowling anymore. She understood thankfully, I never did end up getting her pregnant.
Hey guys just a quick end of story notes type thing. You guys ask why we didn't hang out at my house, and it's because I knew this kind of thing would happen. The next story will tell about the last time I went to her house while this whole fiasco occurred, and how it ended terribly.
Part 6: Dad's finished
So this story includes everyone except EG and DD. It takes place on a Friday, right after school ended. It also depicts EM showing some common sense, before throwing it out the window. So I decide to walk F home after school, since she doesn't live far from the school. The whole time she's acting kind of awkward (all will be explained). We get to her house, and she invited me in. I know it's a mistake on my part but I accept because I'm thirsty as actual hell (drink, not her). So I get a cup of water, before EM walks into the kitchen with me. F is in her room waiting, and EM asks me to sit down. So I sit at their kitchen table,
EM: So how are you and F doing? I know things are tough right now because of your dad, but I hope it's not hurting your relationship.
Me: I don't think it could hurt a non-existing relationship.
EM: That's a little rude isn't it?
Me: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you.
EM: sighs It's fine, I understand how you feel.
Me: Really?
EM: Yeah, when I was young I was stubborn about dating too. It always made ED uncomfortable to some extent.
Well I misunderstood that. I thought she realized she was crazy for a minute.
Me: So why are you so invested in me and F dating?
Well that was open. Wtf was I thinking tbh?
EM: I love my daughter, and I don't want her to get hurt! She deserves better than she's gotten, which is why I'm glad you're around!
Come on. You couldn't not feel bad! I didn't wanna be rude but I didn't wanna put the wrong ideas into her head. We all know how that would turn out!
Me: Well yeah, I love your daughter, but not like that. We're not dating anytime soon.
That was the trigger. The "anytime soon". Gone was that nice mother who I'd been talking to thirty seconds ago, and so returned the abysmal EM you all know and (unfortunately) love.
EM: Yet?! Is that a joke?! You either date my daughter now or you never do! Who do you think you are? Making her wait for a relationship you know is going to happen? This is bullshit!
Well I was screwed. Where was F when I needed her? The door opened, and I sighed with relief. My savio...ED. It was ED. I mentally started placing bets on how long I would have to live. I settled with thirty seconds if I was fast.
ED: Why is he here?! I made it clear he was not allowed in my house ever again!
EM: Why not? F is allowed to have a boyfriend! She's old enough and you know it!
ED: Not a fu--ing pervert! I want him out!
EM: How can he be a pervert if he's gay? Explain that to me please!
What. How. English. Please. "My daughter's boyfriend is gay so no sex here". What. EM had lost it. ED looked shocked. He had enough sense left to realize what she had just said made zero sense. He turned to me. So it began.
ED: You're gay?
Me: Kind of.
ED: Yes or no? You're a f--.
WHHOAAAAAA STOP RIGHT THERE BUDDY!
Me: I'm not a fa--ot. I'm your daughter's best friend and this is actually the dumbest conversation I've ever had with any group of people ever.
I was gonna lose it, just like with my dad before. There was so much pent up rage and aggression between me and this father that it was about to burst all at once.
But then.
EM: How dare you talk to my husband that way? I don't care if you're dating my daughter at all! That is completely inappropriate and honestly I think you should leave.
I was shocked. What do you mean I should leave? I just...what?!
Me: Okay, if that's what you want.
And then walks in F, like ten minutes too late (I cut out some parts of this argument because I was not happy).
F: Hey, what are you doing OP? Let's go. She grabs my hand and starts walking towards the door
ED: He was just leaving. Alone.
F looks confused. But I knew she heard the entire conversation. So I just got up and left. The literal only thing I did anymore when we hung out. That was it for me. I was done with this. Goodbye F, and goodbye crazy family...or so I thought guys...or so I thought.
Part 7: This isn't happening anymore
You guys always ask why F never stood up for me, and I answer not yet. Well here it is.
It was a few days after the incident. I hand't really talked to F after that, and it sucked. I was stuck at home in a crappy situation with no one to talk to. On this particular day, I was watching Netflix while listening to Hollywood Undead (my favorite band) when my phone went off.
Message from F: Hey, come over. I'm bored.
Message from me: No.
Message from F: Please, I need to talk to you.
Message from me: Fine, but I'm leaving if they say a word to me.
Message from F: Fine, but hurry.
I get up and walk to her house (after some prep cause I gotta look good to feel good ;)). I get there after like 20 minutes and knock. Surprisingly, she answers instead of a parent.
F: Hey.
Me: Hi. Can I come in?
F: That's why I invited you here, isn't it?
Smug much damn? Kidding guys I love her! I walk in behind her and we go straight to her room (weird, we usually stop for drinks or snacks but she seemed like she was in a rush). We get to her room and she sits down on her bed. I sit on the beanbag chair next to her but she looks up.
F: Sit with me.
Uhhh. Ok. I get up and join her on the bed. She starts talking about a movie she watched recently then looks up and just looks at me and stops.
F: I'm sorry, about everything recently. My parents, us not talking, everything.
Me: Hey, it's not your fault. Your parents just need to learn boundaries a little.
F: Yeah I guess.
We sit in silence for a minute then she sighs. She turns on the TV and clicks a random movie. To be honest, I wish I could say I don't remember what it was because of what happens next, but I'd be lying. I love Nemo and I will never claim to have forgotten him. F seems fidgety the whole time, and when I realized why it was too late.
So guys I'm gonna give you a quick reminder from earlier. Me and F did date, for less than a week. Because we realized it wasn't going to work out with us as more than friends. And this is where it all began. My biggest mistake and hers. Oops I guess.
As I'm watching the movie and we get to the part where Marlin and Dory are in the minefield, I feel the bed move a little bit. I figure she's just stretching or something, since we've been sitting for a while. Then I feel a hand on my shoulder. Then lips...on my lips?! NONONONONO! I pull away the literal second it happens and F looks up, seemingly embarrassed (wonder why Op?!)
F: What's wrong?
Me: Look, I know what's going on. And I don't want you to push a relationship because it's what your mom wants.
She looks shocked. Then hurt. Then the rage of a thousand suns fills her eyes. I assume it's aimed at me and prepare for backlash. She gets up and walks out the door, slamming it behind her. What? Then it begins. The screaming. Two women fighting behind a veil of pure unadulterated fury.
F: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING YOU BI---?
EM: WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO YOUNG LADY!? I AM YOUR MOTHER AND I WILL NOT BE DISRESPECTED IN MY OWN HOUSE! YOU CAN LEAVE IF YOU'RE GOING TO TALK LIKE THAT!
So much anger, glass shattering (not an exaggeration either, F threw a porcelain mug and it shattered against the door I was in). Fear struck my heart as I realized, I was going to die (that is an exaggeration). They were at it for a good thirty minutes. I've never heard so many bad words or insults or abortion threats. What was happening? Even ED didn't dare step in the way of this massacre of men.
F: I'm done with you. I'm done. You ruined the one chance I had of actually getting with someone I cared about because you couldn't get it out of your stupid god damn brain that we HAD to be together. You ruined it. Not me, not him. You ruined everything!
With that she ran into her room and locked the door. She was crying, and I think she forgot I was in there for a good 10 seconds. She was lying on her bed in a ball when I walked up and put my hand on her back. She looked up, ready to argue, then realized it was me. She just started crying louder and looked down. I don't want to get into too much detail on what was said, because it was really personal. But we talked for hours upon hours upon hours. By the time we stopped, it was around 11pm. She offered to let me sleep over, to which I responded she was a psychopath (jokingly. She wasn't her mom after all). Then I got my stuff together and walked out the door. As I was leaving she stopped me.
F: So...I'll see you tomorrow right?
Me: Of course you will.
We both stood there for a few seconds before I sighed. I leaned in and kissed her. Yup, on the lips. She looked absolutely confused out of her mind before I turned and walked off. This time I walked home, because I didn't care about the cold. A lot had happened and I was just tired. I got home to a lot of yelling from my dad, who demanded to know why I was so late and if F was "as done with my bullshit as he was". I smiled and flipped him off. I suck at being a son. Later that night I was laying in bed wondering what the hell had just happened. The next day we decided it would be official, we were a couple. Happy ending, right? Wrong. ED decided it was his turn to step in, and took her phone. Then he called the school to make sure we never saw each other (because of previous allegations, they happily agreed to keep us separated). After that I never saw F for a full three days, before we finally ran into each other in the hallway. It had been hell. ED had even tried homeschooling her before he realized he had to register and fill out a bunch of paperwork to do that. We mutually agreed with this much toxicity in her family, there was absolutely no way we were going to make it as a couple. We decided to remain friends, but weren't as close until a few months after, when my dad ended up hospitalized. After that we started talking all the time again, and became the best friends we are now. And that everyone, is the story of how my best friend's mom tried to use every single trick she knew to get me and her daughter to start dating, only to have it ripped from her hands behind her back by her own husband. I hope you all enjoyed!
Authors Note: Guys you've made Reddit history. Look at my account after 2 days. There's been so much support, and so many people have have taken the side of a stranger because he brought a few minutes of joy to them with something he wrote. This should be the end...but it's only the beginning my friends. I have more stories about me and F, more about her parents that don't belong on entitledparents , and more stories to just share in general. I love the community you guys have helped me accidentally build in just a few days, and let's keep it growing. Be ready to spread some positivity, and get ready for more great stories involving me, F, and so many more. I'll even try to get her to open an account for you guys, so you can hear some more stories from her point of view. Expect more stories daily, and let's keep this alive! I love you all, and I'll see you tomorrow morning when I post my first CB story! Happy Late Valentine's Day my friends!